Monday, March 31, 2008

Some things that I just don't understand

As the mother of a toddler and a nine month old (not an infant. not a toddler. what then?) I find myself confused most of the day (hell let’s throw nights in there too just for good measure). And I’ve found that three words pretty much sum up the whole of my day lately. I. Don’t. Understand.

Claire loves juice as I’m sure most toddlers do. Past the point of reason in my opinion but that’s another entry for another day. (Oh My. You know you need to get out when you could write an entire post on the all-consuming passionate love your toddler holds for her juice filled sippy. But alas that too is a post for another day.) But as much as she loves drinking the juice from her sippy she loves jamming the spout of the cup into the carpet more. WHY? It makes a huge mess. (You: that’s why) Every day we have this battle. And everyday we both lose. I don’t understand.

Lily. Lily HATES to do her business. After yesterday’s (You; HAH! Yesterday!) Right. And after last week’s post I’m going to go ahead and tone down the nasty talk. NO we’re not going to stop talking about it crazies. “Business” is a most repeated task her in the nasty house and as such I MUST DISCUSS. Anyway, so she hates it. And is surprisingly savy in her knowledge on the subject. She’s figured out that when she’s a little backed up a big ol bottle of formula usually does the trick. And so… drinking formula must be avoided at ALL costs. She’d rather starve. Starve and let us all know just how hungry she is, but won’t eat because it causes the YOU KNOW. I don’t understand. We’ve tried a couple different techniques, none of which are going to land us in Parenting magazine I’m pretty sure, but the most effective is prune juice in the applesauce. (Thank you dear Swistle for the juice idea. You are wise beyond your years.) And… once her business is complete she’ll take the bottle again. The fun with this game really is manifold. If it’s the middle of the night and she senses a business coming, It’s a big hell no for the 3am bottle. If we’re out somewhere and I didn’t think to pack solids… ahhh the fun continues. She’s done this since she was a wee little little and I thought she’d grow out of it. She hasn’t.

Okay, so I guess I can understand avoiding something that you HATE to do even though it’s good for you a little bit. But dang it POOP! You’ll feel better! We all will.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Le Sigh. And better.

Riight. So hello again. Where to even begin.

Things are better here. And when I say better I mean I haven't curled up in a ball and slept in the corner of the spare bedroom for months. Baby steps people. I cannot believe the force with which post-partum has absolutely turned my life upside down. I mean really. I always kind of figured that I'd struggle with it as I've battled depression/anxiety for most of my life but you know there are drugs and doctors and diet coke and chocolate therapy available now, so I didn't think it would be all THAT traumatic. I am a dumbass.

We're nine months out now and things are finally looking up. The meds I'm on work reasonably well and we'll keep tweaking them I'm sure for months, but I can now handle being in the same room with my toddler without bringing on a full-blown panic attack. And I'm even able to play with her. And like it. I know, rockstar.

But for months I have to say that wasn't possible and just the fact that I can look at my children without fear wrapping itself around my heart is a big step. I do wonder from time to time if I'll ever be the same again, but after having kids who is really?


I have help. We hired an au-pair. I know. Say it out loud and let the implications just roll off your tongue. Showering every day. Exercise. Making dinner with an extra set of hands that are NOT trying to blow up the house by playing "chef" with the knobs on the stove. And I've started teaching again. I've taught violin lessons for years and years, but since moving to Virginee I'd kind of let it go. Now I teach for a couple hours (depending on the day) in the afternoon and am able to bring in a little extra flow in the process--along with doing something that I'm good at and love. It's a win. A really big one. I've also started playing more weddings and events. My last "gig" was at the Supreme Court and I played for four justices. Antonin Scalia even came over to flip through our music and chat. Bah!! You: yawn. Me: AWESOME!

Soooo.... lest we think that we're getting too fancy and out of touch with mothering not to worry. I was pooped on twice in the tub last week. That's right poo. Claire likes to tub with momma and apparently I am the nasty whisperer because OMG it keeps happening! In fact there's crap on my pants right now. (too much defecation talk?) Le Sigh. So yeah, life's kept on a rollin but it seems that we've found a way to make it manageable for our family. And I'm happy. And it's nice.