Saturday, January 12, 2008

It's a small world post-partum style

What can I say, when it comes to blogging consistency I'm a rockstar. But enough about my failings. Let's talk about my trip to Disneyland shall we? Yeah, so my post-partum issues are not getting better (Despite the thousands of cookies I've eaten. I'm so confused.). I've seen two psychologists, my OB three times, two regular doctors, and have been waiting three weeks to see a psychiatrist. Which I love. Because really, if you've finally caved and decided that you need to see a psychiatrist chances are that you can wait three to six weeks right? Hence my trip to Disneyland. And let me tell you, if you ever want or need to feel sane there are few places on the planet that will bring you to that conclusion faster than... or maybe I just got a particularly awesome Disneyland. Hard to say.

A few things I've learned since my last post (Or, things I took away from the mental institution spa vacation):

1- A "six" on the homicidal feelings chart in group therapy from the woman sitting next to you will bring about more anxiety than say the person to the left of you who habitually steals people's shoes.

2- If you think it's hard to fall asleep at night when you're at home, it is even more difficult to do so when someone checks on you every fifteen minutes throughout the evening to make sure you have not been killed in your sleep. My reasons here are twofold. One "the check" involves the need to open the door, let in light, and shut it, which is obnoxious. And two because this has obviously been a problem in the past, and that's not a bedtime story I want to think about right before my attempt at shut-eye.

3- Psychiatrists (or at least mine) in the hospital don't believe in post-partum depression for women who had their babies a whole six months ago. It has to be something else. Something bigger. More permanent. Fixable? Doubtful.

4-Hovering while you pee is exercise.

5- The institution is not a relaxing get away for individuals who suffer from severe anxiety and/or panic.

6-If you can't laugh about the ridiculous you have bigger problems.

7- Individuals receiving treatment in the institution are some of the kindest and most non-judgemental people in all the world.

8- The state of our mental health system is so abominable that I cannot even find the right words.

And so I'm back. And I'd say none the wiser, but really I don't think that's true. I learned much during my short hospital stint. Mostly about compassion and kindness and the strength of the human spirit. But also about keeping a close eye on my shoes.


desperate housewife said...

Habitually stealing shoes? Please tell me she was sent to Disneyland for something worse than that.
And um, the homocide checks in the night? Yikes. I think you probably learned a lot about your own resiliancy just SURVIVING that place.

Jess said...

To be fair, I think they were equally concerned about the patients hurting themselves. And yes, the shoe stealer had bigger problems than foot apparel thievery.

Swistle said...

What IS it with the "can't be post-partum after x months" thing? I ride a HUGE new-baby high for a LONG time; it's LATER that things hit me bad.

Tessie said...

I'm glad you're back.

I'm with Swistle, I think the "after x months" thing is WAY more common.

Erin said...

I'm really glad your back. To be honest, I was worried about you. I don't even KNOW you for real, so maybe that's wierd. But I completely understand the feelings of teetering on the edge of insanity and desperation. It is awful. I understand.

And for what it's worth, I'll be out here, checking to hear what you might have to say.

Jess said...

I used to babysit for a family where I inadvertently discovered that the parents' couples counselor had rated them both 99th percentile on the aggression scale. That was a little scary.

I hope things work out with the post-partum or whatever your doctor thinks it is, and soon.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Wow, that was quite a story.

Glad you're back.

Marie Green said...

PPD can happen ANY time after you give birth- especially if you're breastfeeding or have recently been breastfeeding. THEY ARE STUPID.

Can I tell you how much I admire you for admitting you needed help and going for it. And then blogging about it?

I was misearable for YEARS after my twins were born... YEARS. But I told NO ONE.

Bravo to you.