Monday, October 1, 2007

And sigh.

Claire's 15 month check-up (I know a month late. We're working on it.) Check.

Lily's 2 month check-up (also almost a month late. freakinfrackin.) Check.

I hate the pediatrician's office. I mean really. I used to live in Arlington, VA which is really just an extention of DC if you ask me and while there were very few perks of living in such a metropolitan area (if there are more than a gajillion people living in a single block radius for the majority of a city it's metropolitan. moving on.) check-ups at the peds were one of them. First of all there were like 900 doctors in the office at any given time so our wait time was pretty much non-existent and for the most part they knew what they were talking about (Mr. Doctor man who insisted on calling my sweet little girl "him" the entire time, I am not referring to you here.)

I now live in the sticks. Which I love. Subject for another day. And our peds visits aren't run with quite the same clock-work expediency as before. The registration nurse calls me hun (which is kind of sweet) but cannot for the life of her figure out how to make a copy. Every. Time. I just need it for Flex. I'm sure I'm not the only one who asks. It's really not that difficult.

And every time I take my daughters there it's a two hour event. I say event because really, there just aren't words. Claire hates the doctor. With the passion from the fire of a thousand suns. Hates. Which leads to the inevitable meltdown at about minute 13 of our time in baby doctor hell. Lily usually lasts about 3.5 seconds longer than sis before her taking cue and coming completely unglued as well. There are cameras in those rooms (okay, not really). For I cannot think of any other reason as to why they would make us sit there for 45 minutes before gracing us with the presence of someone who has somehow managed to obtain a medical degree. It's like Big Brother. Only I'm the one who keeps trying to vote myself out of the house.

Only when I'm at complete wits end with two screaming babies will they send someone in and by this point there are almost always tears in my eyes and I am DRIPPING with perspiration. Without fail I get the "this is what you get for having your children this close together" look. And sigh.

Then the questions. And the answers. It's worse than taking the SAT. My kingdom to simply be comparing vocabulary terms again. Does my child do the crazy walk? Yes. Does she point and look at me then point again? Yes. Can she impersonate Leonard Bernstein and haw like a burro? Uhhh... At the end of our discussion she briefly noted that my child might be autistic and then moved on to Lily. Uh. Hello. Could we go back a space please.

Claire won't talk. She has a vocabulary of five words and seems reasonably contented to stay at this level for the rest of forever. She's happy, healthy, social, responsive, and delightful in every way (except in doctor hell) and because she can't write in chiasmus there is a chance she is autistic. My doctor is a moron.


Swistle said...

Oh, man, I hear you. And that doctor, with the "autistic" thing, is a dummy. Autism is not a word to be toyed with.

Elizabeth is a late talker (at 15 months she didn't have 5 words yet), and her doctor was like, "Many girls are speaking in 3-word sentences by now," and I was like, smiling and nodding on outside, mushroom cloud on inside.

Tessie said...

I'm with Swistle, what in the sam hell? She's 15 months, right? That's just this side of goo goo gah gah for a lot of kids.

Also, cameras? I hope there isn't some kind of secret viewing room where they can eat their lunch and laugh their asses off at you.

My Buddy Mimi said...

Mimi had about 5 words at that age too, and then at 18 months she really sped up. Sorry your doctor is such a dud.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

She's 15 months and not talking alot? Uh, I'm an SLP (speech-pathologist) and it's fine. This doesn't mean AUTISM. If you're concerned, have her evaluated by Early Intervention, but I suspect she's fine.
Also, the sweating? Yeah, happens so much more with two kids, I've found.
And the looks from people insinuating you shouldn't have kids so close in age? I know all about that, too.

Marie Green said...

Cameras in the Dr's office? Oh, hell no!

And there is a very wide range of "normal" in all aspects of development. Especially speech. She's still just a baby! She says 5 words! FIVE!

Blow it out the old wazoo, Dr.Man.

Jess said...

My bad! I don't think there are actually cameras in the office. It just seems they're a little too eager to let mamma sweat. So I figure it's either because they're sadists who derive pleasure from hearing my wee babes cry or because they are as Tessie mentioned, laughing their asses off at us in the backroom.

Laura McIntyre said...

Um Autistic for saying only 5 words? At that age my daughter had maybe two words and also was't walking yet. Not at 28 months she is still no where near normally talking level - seems like there just wanting a quick easy solution

Erin said...

My nephew didn't have 5 words at 15 months. He only had like 3 vowel sounds. Now he's 2.5 and talks non-freaking-stop. The part about you trying to vote yourself out made me laugh. And I KNOW what you mean about the SWEATING! What IS that? I really wish I didn't have that response to my kids' crying. It totally makes me sweat. Wierd.

Crystal said...

Sounds awful. Oh, and my daughter's speech therapist and pediatrician both said they only need a few words by 15 months to be "normal." Whatever normal is...