Intellectual Giantess

Because there's nothing new to watch on tv these days Due to my intense desire for continued learning I've found myself reading more than usual at night. And I'm actually a little surprised at my turn in literature preferences. I mean I consider myself a fairly learned individual. I have a degree from a decent university and studied history (silence Tessie!), Russian, and dance (useful!). I've played in a number of symphonies across the country and one in Europe. (Do you like the build up? The intense need to justify what's coming next?) So really it's not like I'm sitting around all day building Lego castles and banging together pots and pans. Oh wait. Anyway, I've always liked to read. I enjoy the classics but don't love them. I'm not giddy at the thought of 6.3 seconds to myself so that I can run to finish All Quiet on the Western Front (unless that's one of your favorites in which case... no. not even then). I did quite enjoy Anna Karenina (this version please) and Cyrano de Bergerac will always be a favorite (digressing) but I would be a big fat liar if I said that reading books that "will forever stand the test of time" keeps me up at night with a flashlight under the covers. (What you don't still do that?)

I've read a couple "recommended" books these past few weeks and after about a hundred pages was clawing at my eyeballs. Love in the Time of Cholera? Am I twelve? Do I just not get it? Do I have the attention span of a sea-monkey? I got half way through it and could.not.go.any.further. Cold Mountain. Same problem. I just read The Russian Concubine (loved Memoirs of a Geisha. thought hey! maybe same same? no. not maybe same same.). LAME. Lame. Lame. And more lame. Sometimes it feels that these authors are writing merely to put words on paper. Lots and lots of pretty words. Why say something in four lines when one can stretch it out into seventeen pages? Again. I'm twelve. And apparently I'm okay with it.

So I've discovered that some of my favorite reads of late are actually in the youth literature section. I know. Not one word.

I won't lie, I loved Harry Potter. Read em all. I love the Chronicles of Narnia series and Lord of the Rings (even before the movies. oooh!). These authors write the best stories. It's all about spinning a tale and taking you to another place (one where you actually want to be. none of this incest/opium/rape crap. not to say that I don't enjoy a good adult novel, but hell sometimes I read to get away from all the heavy heavy) .

And so here are my recommends. Two thumbs right on up. Read em to your kids/with your kids/under the covers by yourself at night.

- The Bayern Series and Princess Academy by Shannon Hale (I'm ordering Book of a Thousand Days tonight!) These are great great books for girls (maybe boys? maybe that's pushing it.).

- The Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer (okay so this one comes with a disclaimer: while Hale's books are beautifully written and after reading Bayern you could easily talk about her use of imagery and prose and use all sorts of hoity-toity words to discuss your reading experience... Twilight not so much. but i couldn't put them down. (again twelve) but it was so fabulously deliciously fun that i don't even care.)

I'm starting The Uglies by Scott Westerfeld tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

And now it's your turn. Spill it.

It's a small world post-partum style

What can I say, when it comes to blogging consistency I'm a rockstar. But enough about my failings. Let's talk about my trip to Disneyland shall we? Yeah, so my post-partum issues are not getting better (Despite the thousands of cookies I've eaten. I'm so confused.). I've seen two psychologists, my OB three times, two regular doctors, and have been waiting three weeks to see a psychiatrist. Which I love. Because really, if you've finally caved and decided that you need to see a psychiatrist chances are that you can wait three to six weeks right? Hence my trip to Disneyland. And let me tell you, if you ever want or need to feel sane there are few places on the planet that will bring you to that conclusion faster than... or maybe I just got a particularly awesome Disneyland. Hard to say.

A few things I've learned since my last post (Or, things I took away from the mental institution spa vacation):

1- A "six" on the homicidal feelings chart in group therapy from the woman sitting next to you will bring about more anxiety than say the person to the left of you who habitually steals people's shoes.

2- If you think it's hard to fall asleep at night when you're at home, it is even more difficult to do so when someone checks on you every fifteen minutes throughout the evening to make sure you have not been killed in your sleep. My reasons here are twofold. One "the check" involves the need to open the door, let in light, and shut it, which is obnoxious. And two because this has obviously been a problem in the past, and that's not a bedtime story I want to think about right before my attempt at shut-eye.

3- Psychiatrists (or at least mine) in the hospital don't believe in post-partum depression for women who had their babies a whole six months ago. It has to be something else. Something bigger. More permanent. Fixable? Doubtful.

4-Hovering while you pee is exercise.

5- The institution is not a relaxing get away for individuals who suffer from severe anxiety and/or panic.

6-If you can't laugh about the ridiculous you have bigger problems.

7- Individuals receiving treatment in the institution are some of the kindest and most non-judgemental people in all the world.

8- The state of our mental health system is so abominable that I cannot even find the right words.

And so I'm back. And I'd say none the wiser, but really I don't think that's true. I learned much during my short hospital stint. Mostly about compassion and kindness and the strength of the human spirit. But also about keeping a close eye on my shoes.

Day of Sharing

Today’s post could have been labeled a couple different ways. Neverending Boogers. Love in the Time of Boogers. Lord of the Boogers. You get the idea.

My babies have colds (Thank you sister-in-law for knowingly bringing your sick child to play. I think of you fondly at 2:30, 4:00, and 5:15 in the morning when I’m up with my screaming miserable congested coughing children.) And it’s FUN. I’m not sure who’s the most miserable. Claire with her drippy EH! Lily with her coughing and inability to sleep. Husband with the tearful phone calls. Or mom. Poor poor mom. Who yesterday got halfway to the grocery store before realizing that she WASN’T WEARING SHOES. And who today poured apple juice on her turkey sandwich instead of in the empty glass RIGHT NEXT TO IT. Nice.

The upside to the madness is that Claire seems to understand that I need a little extra TLC these days. She was ALL about sharing her binkie (can you say congestion yumminess!) and her sippy (same applies here) and her blankie today. When she’s tired or not feeling well or sad she’ll take the corner of her blanket and sniff it or rub it against her nose. For long periods. It’s not as weird as it sounds. And today while I was rocking her she held up the corner and pushed it into my nose. Again, not as weird as it sounds. But rather, sweet. Very sweet. Love in the Time of Boogers it is.

Breakfast Prayer

Dear God,

Please bless this food that it will provide me with strength. I'm grateful for it. And please bless that I might make it through this day with a semblance of my sanity intact. For it is only 9 in the morning and already I'm laughing at things that aren't funny.

Amen

Month 17--Claire

(Totally stole the idea from Dooce and am not even a little sorry.)

Dear Claire,

Sweetheart on October 31st you turned 17 months old. I cannot believe how fast it's gone. Really. You're such a little girl now. I look at you and wonder when you stopped being my little baby. Who are we kidding, you'll always be my baby. You're just getting so big.

This month you discovered your belly button. And mine. And dad's. And Lily's. You go for the button whenever possible. On whoever. You get so frustrated when you're wearing a onesie (It's cold. And it keeps you from exposing your navel. You may still be wearing them in high school. We'll talk about it later.) because it keeps you from sticking your finger in your favorite place. Sometimes you'll point to your ears when I ask you where they are and every once in a blue moon your toes. But your belly button? Gold every time.

You're still a little slow on the speech development which concerns your dad a bit but I know you'll start talking when you're ready. That's always how you've been. No prodding, cajoling, or bribing gets you any closer to doing things you're not ready to do. It's just how you are. Stubborn. In a way that only your father can understand. You remind me of him so much. You're so sweet natured, and for the most part even tempered (you're a toddler, let's keep it real), but when you set your mind to something. It's over. Until you say otherwise.

You have developed a somewhat questionable obsession with balls. You love them. Beyond all reason love them. And Elmo. When we go to the gym in the mornings you head straight for the ball section and stay there until I come to pick you up an hour later. We have about 900 in our house right now. You love to kick them and throw them and bounce on them and put them in buckets/tupperware/baskets/cupboards. You used to frustrate yourself beyond reason trying to pick up more tennis balls than your little arms could carry. We got you a ball bucket and now you can walk around with at least ten. This appeases you. You'll share all of your toys with any friend who comes over to play, except your balls. Let's not get stupid.

You have a little crush on Elmo and as such we hear him singing on our tv for at least an hour every day. You like to sit in your Elmo chair holding your Elmo balls and your blankie while we watch him on the screen. He loves you. And you love him.

You also so incredibly sweet with your baby sister. You really love her. When she first arrived you weren't quite sure what to think and I'm pretty sure it was a little hard to start sharing the attention, but you're over that now and so gentle with baby sis. You give her loves all the time. Gently you'll lower your head to hers for cuddles and often I find you looking at her when you play to see if she's watching. You give her kisses whenever she's on your level. You also like to steal her binkie as we are trying to wean you off of yours. Smart girl.

You blow kisses to whoever stays downstairs with Lily as you are being carried off to bed. You giggle non-stop and have the cheesiest grin I've ever seen. Your curls flip over your ears and you love to wear your crown. Dr. Seuss is your favorite, especially the ABC and One Fish, Two Fish books. You love to bounce. Your adore your father. You want your mom when you're hurt. You still think peek-a-boo's the greatest game ever and if given the chance you'd adopt the dog next door in an instant.

We love you so much. Everyone loves you so much. You are everything that is good in this world and your dad and I constantly marvel at how incredibly lucky we are to have you in our lives. You are joy to us.

Love,

Momma

Un-ostriching

Hmmmm... how to crawl out of my hole. I've been in isolation/seclusion mode for the past month or so because I've been sad. Not the wisest approach I know. Life has become quite overwhelming and I'm looking to switch medications and seek out counseling in hopes to find my smile. My real one, not just the one I plaster on my face while in public (who are we kidding here, Target).

I'll talk more about it later. It's easier to joke about or discuss horrible times with a little distance.

Love and crowns

It's all about finding things in life that you love. That inspire you. My daughter received this crown as a present the other day and hasn't taken it off since. She loves it. Everything about it. It's the first thing she goes for in the morning and won't take it off until she needs to go to bed. And even then I find I'm the one prying if from her head. Like the crown stealer that I am.

And it's got me thinking, what things do I love? Back in the day (before the babes in arms) I could have answered this question easily, but now I find that my days are so full of the necessary I don't have much time for "crowns" anymore. And so I'm setting a goal for myself, to find things that I love to do, to enjoy, every day.

Today I am taking a bath. ALONE. With m&m's. And Diet Coke. And salts. ALONE. What do you love?