Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Worst Day Ever

There really just aren't enough words . . . You know how I was all "the gym is the best thing ever?!!" (Insert peppy cheerleader head bob here.) Right. I retract that statement. Instead of "for $30 a month they'll watch my children for one hour every day!" It should read, "for only $30 a month I can bring home any and every kind of plague imaginable!" Bubonic? Ebola? Sure! This gym's playland has it all! We made it to the land where germs flow a plenty three freaking times before we three ladies came down with the hanta virus (okay not really, but surely it couldn't be much worse than this). Everyday this week I've gone to bed thinking, "surely the worst is over, surely we'll be on the upswing tomorrow. Surely I'll find my will to live after a good night's sleep." I'm a jackass for even setting myself up for such supreme disappointment.

Surely the worst is not over. Surely Lily (my 2 1/2 month old) will fuss from 10pm to 2pm non-freaking stop so that our misery might be compounded even more. Surely Claire's (15 months) nose will run like a faucet 24/7. Forcing her to choose between her pacifier or breathing (binky by a landslide). It's not pretty. Surely I will wish for death more times today than I can count. And cry.

And so I'm going to rethink the gym thing. Though when at the grocery store picking up my cake the other day (Oh yeah, and it's my birthday) the man at the checkout counter asked me WHEN I WAS DUE. Bitchin. So maybe not.

Little tip. When tempted to ask a woman when she's due, ask yourself this simple question. Is the answer to this going to be tomorrow? If not, don't ask. Ever.

I lied to him. He was very nice and his wife was pregnant and he simply wanted to bond in his blissful having a baby state. I told him I was five months along. "WOW! You look great!!" Don't I though . . .

10 comments:

Swistle said...

Oh, no! This is terrible! Also, I totally agree with the "unless it's 'tomorrow'" rule. Also-also, I think there should be rules about follow-up remarks, which may be "How wonderful!" or "Congratulations!" or "Spring is a beautiful time of year for a birthday!"--but NOT "Oh my god, you're TINY! Is everything okay?" or "Oh my god, you're HUGE!"

Jess said...

Or, "are you having twins?!" For real?

Marie Green said...

My husband says that unless you see a baby coming out of a woman's body AT THAT VERY MOMENT then it's never appropriate to ask.

When I WAS pregnant with twins, I got the "Gawd! You look like you are about to pop. Are you due soon?" And the answer was no. Not for three more months. And thanks, because I was feeling all tiny and cute and NOT AT ALL huge, before you mentioned it. Geez!

I also got the people who thought they were being coy by asking "are you having twins?" And I could smugly answer why yes I am. I was not a happy pregnant person, now that I think of it...

Tessie said...

Oh, god, you played along? That is AWESOME, and also TOTALLY WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE. Oh, I love it.

Jess said...

Marie-- I have to wonder about women who are happy pregnant. It's not normal.

Jess said...

Tessie-- No choice really. It would have CRUSHED him.

Penny said...

Oh, that man needs to PAY.

Nice blog. Surfed on in. Roomy and uncluttered, but comfy like an overstuffed couch. Aaah.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Well happy birthday first off. Eeek, sorry about the idiot. I'm in total agreement with Swistle comments.

Jess said...

Comfy like an overstuffed couch. Ahh.. I like that.

Laura McIntyre said...

Sorry the gym was't all you expected, sick kids suck